"The biggest mistake you can make in your life is to be continually fearing you will make one."~Elbert Hubbard
Well, this quote pretty much fits how I've been acting lately. I haven't been able to put my finger on it. I've been holding back in every aspect of my life. Meek is a really good word to describe it. It's been driving me nuts (not a far drive I know). I've either been afraid I could succeed or was afraid I could. I was so scared of messing things up that I couldn't move forward.
I put a stop (for the most part) to this last Wednesday. I had gotten myself in a pretty good mess at work because I wasn't being forceful enough with certain people and I was missing deadlines because of it. Someone even had the nerve to call me the "good cop." That's when I knew I had let it go to far.
I mean me - the good cop? For those who have had the fortune (or misfortune) to work with me have at some point had a glimpse at my fiery Irish temper. I don't sit back and accept being blown off when someone is supposed to be doing something for me. Yet that's exactly what I have been doing. So I buckled down this week and figured if I was going to get fired, it would be because I did what I thought was right and took no prisoners and not because I laid down and got run over. And it worked. Fabulously. I even got a "perfect" from my customer. Whoohoo!
As I said, I am letting this happen in all areas of my life. Not just work. I seem to have lost my voice (perhaps a blessing in disguise to others). I don't know if I've lost my confidence because so many things were going wrong at once. I wish I knew what the trigger was. I think it was more of a compilation of little things. Well, I'm going to start changing this too. Hey - I even signed up for a Karate class. And they are giving me weapons (bwahahaha)!
So, I'm done with being afraid. At least with letting fear rule my decisions. I am going to attempt to go back to taking control of my life -- at least the parts I can control. I have a week or so before the New Year to regroup and prepare for the battles that lie ahead. Maybe those weapons might help... :)
You go girl! ;)
ReplyDeleteMichele...I think that as far as work goes this has happened to anybody who had responsibilities; i.e. supervisor, manager, projects, etc. It probably happened at about the same time something in your personal life causing about the same reaction. If I had a dime for every time I said, "I am so tired of being tired or so tired of dealing with stress or blah, blah, blah". You're human, you're living a new life, and you've got kids. Cut yourself a break and just focus again. Hugs
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