The World Seems Much Smaller Now

"I would rather live in a world where my life was surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it."
~Henry Emerson Fosdick

I didn't used to believe I lived a sheltered life when I was a kid. Maybe not so sheltered but secluded. It was a world of kickball and flag football and summers at the beach. No, not one of those fancy beaches with beach houses and lifeguards but a rocky beach where you never knew what would wash up after a storm. My circle of friends was small but true. The boundaries of my world consisted of the of the pillars at the end of the street and the gate to the lake at the other end.

As I got older, those boundaries stretched a little. A Girl Scout camping trip with an hour long drive felt like we were going to drive off the edge of the Earth. A trip to Fairport Harbor or the West Side brought scenery yet explored at that point of my life. A 20-mile drive for my work permit was a big deal especially considering the lack of a second working car most of the time.

College took me four hours away from home. Five if you count my trombone audition at Miami of Ohio. Road trips took me into West Virginia and even all the way to the Eastern Seaboard and the Gulf of Mexico. As my horizons broadened, so did my yearning for travel - my desire to see more of the World and also find myself in it.

I moved to Tennessee and completed college. My career took me to other countries. I learned new cultures and languages. Airline reward miles racked up as our vendor base grew. The World seemed ever so much smaller the more I saw of it. I write this as I am a passenger on our trip to New York for New Years' Eve. Second trip here this year. 10-hour trips seem to fly by as quickly as a 15-minute trip used to.

Since I've moved back home, memories flood back of those early days. Sometimes I hesitate to cross the imagined boundaries of my universe from my childhood. There are no roadblocks stopping me anymore from going to the next county, state or even country. The giants from my past that bullied me have shrunk in size and no longer haunt me. The problems that seemed insurmountable have diminished and no longer hold the power they once did. I don't know if my confidence has helped bring everything into perspective or if my perspective has increased my confidence. Either way, my view of it is so different now.

So, as I sail into 2012, I will continue to broaden my horizons and explore my world as it stands today. I don't pretend to always understand it and I can't say I've conquered all of my demons. I go now, less afraid of what the unknown holds and even less afraid of myself. But I believe I understand me now and isn't that what it is all about anyways?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:New Jersey

Three Gifts

"Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third."
~Marge Piercy 

Have you finished crossing off everyone on your Christmas list?  Do you feel like this month is flying by and you still have so much to complete?  Has the business of the season taken all of the fun out for you?  Then you need to start following the Three Gifts Rule.

Father John at St. John Vianni's gave a sermon to the students the other day.  He told them that "if three gifts were good enough for Baby Jesus, that should be good enough for us."  Hmm...  When is the last time you only got three gifts for Christmas.  I know if there were only three gifts under the tree that my children would be frantically searching the house for the rest of them.  Especially if they were at Mrs. Claus' (I mean Grandma's) house.


My kids get more toys between their birthdays and Christmas than they know what to do with.  That doesn't include hand-me-downs.  We could open up a thrift store and live on the profits for as much as has come through the door.  How would they really react if they only got three gifts each?  I'm sure they would be comparing to the others to make sure I spent the same amount on each of them and they didn't get cheated.  Perhaps pull out the list and check off to make sure they got what they asked for.  Start crawling up the chimney to see if Santa got stuck?

My family is by no means well off.  We have enough to survive plus a little.  The kids' classmates tend to have big houses in expensive subdivisions.  We probably buy their donated clothes at Goodwill.  But they have never really know what true need is.  We have always been blessed to have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies with some left over for extras.  Add in grandparents that love to spoil and that makes for some satisfied children.

One of my old co-workers (and yes Terry, I meant old LOL) always asked me "do you need it or do you want it?"  His country drawl winds through my head when I debate on buying something I am probably wasting my money on.  I especially hear it more now when I am going through the stores at this time of year.  Yeah, that outfit is really cute and the girls would love it, but do they need it?  Is there something more necessary that I could be spending that money on?  College for my three kids, pay down a bill or perhaps even put it in savings?

So, three presents is more than enough.  We may put Toys"R"Us out of business or cause the Dow Jones to drop a few points but it won't be the end of the world.  There will be some pouting and a bit of huffing and puffing (but not from Santa because his load will be a little lighter this year).  They will survive.  They'll grow a little stronger because they have to "do without" all of the extra stuff they won't play with anyways.  They will learn how to appreciate and perhaps even cherish what they do get.  And at the end of the day I can put my feet up a little less stressed and a little more grateful.  Besides, three gifts were good enough for Jesus...

As a side note, I also propose that there be a price limit to what we ask Santa for.  I told my kids that we need to ask Santa for fewer and smaller items because he has so many more kids to buy for.  It's really difficult to explain to them why Johnny got a four-wheeler and they got a doll.  What do you think?

Breathe More

"Fear less, hope more;
Eat less, chew more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Love more, and all good things will be yours."
~Swedish Proverb

It's getting to be that time of year. The holidays are swooping down upon us quickly. It's a time to celebrate, visit with family and for me, reflect on this past twelve months.

What a year it has been! I have to say its probably one of my best ever. No - I think it is THE best ever. Wondering if I won the lottery? No. But the blessings I have been given are far to precious to put a price tag on. There are hundreds of incredible things that happened to me this year but there's not enough room to list them all. So I'm going to try for my top ten.

10. Health - we have been so entirely blessed with health in my family these past few years. There have been some hiccups and hurdles to overcome, but when I hear of other families' troubles, ours seem so minuscule. Check out this amazing family for example. It just continues to show me how lucky we are.

9. Fun - life sure has changed for me. I went almost a decade being holed up in a trailer in the country. Don't get me wrong - it was an awesome town with incredible people. But as I've mentioned, I was in a self-imposed prison of sorts. I've learned how to have fun and what makes me happy. I've visited islands and other states and even travelled out of the country again. I'm learning how to enjoy myself, even with the little things.

8. Strength - I've become stronger - physically, mentally and spiritually. I now have my purple belt in Tae Kwon Do. Pretty cool, huh? Over halfway to Black Belt. Whoohoo! I'm better at dealing with things that come along. My fiery Irish temper doesn't flare up as much because I know what's important. As I become closer to God, I become closer to God. Think about that one. I'm able to recognize even the small gifts around me and I draw even closer to Him which helps me recognize even more blessings.

7. Attitude of Gratitude - this was a tough one for me. A few years ago I had a bible study that required me to write down what I was thankful for. Besides my kids, I had a very difficult time finding anything else to write about. I was so miserable with myself and my life I couldn't see what was around me. I had to start small. I started looking, and the more I recognized it seems the more I was given. It just snowballed from there. I may not have any more than I did, but I know and very much appreciate what I have.

6. Compassion - this is another area I have greatly improved on. I used to watch shows like Extreme Home Makeover with extreme jealousy. Why did those people deserve that awesome place more than I did? What made them more special? I was so mired in misery I couldn't see past that. Now I am starting to do things I've always wanted to do. We are sponsoring a child. My kids see how other people live. They help think of ways we can help. Money that would once have been used for frivololities I being stashed away to help others. We fed the homeless for Thanksgiving and are going to do the same for Christmas. I helped out people that I may have just walked past before. And I promise that I am showered in more blessings than them!

5. Work - yeah, this is a blessing too! I have found a great job that keeps me busy. I have steady income and continuing growth in our business. Is it what I'm going to do for the rest of my life? Probably now. But it's a stepping stone for whatever the future holds for me.

4. Talent - both old and new. Ie been soooo blessed to be able to write this blog. I used to hate what I wrote. I guess it just took a little bit of living and life experiences to help me along. I love touching other people on her and on Facebook. I hope I continue to have a chance to share a little peek at who I am and how my crazy mind works.

3. Friends - wow! Talk about finding out who the real ones are! This past year has really brought the bad out in some and the incredible out in others. I have solidified bonds with the important ones and walked away from a few others. I have made some great new ones too! My friends have taught me how to be a good friend to others. I love you all!

2. Love - this ones' not going to be about what you think. Wait until #1 for that lol. I have found true love - with myself. Not in a vain, conceited way. With a comfortable old pair of jeans that fit like a glove way. I really like the person I am and will become. The reflection in the mirror isn't nearly as daunting as it used to be. And I really can't wait to see what the future holds.

1. Wayne - again, there is simply not enough room on this page to list the million reasons I love this man. A friend of mine told me that God had the perfect person waiting for me if I would just give Him control. I did (finally) and less than two weeks later the perfect man fell into my life and has no intention of leaving. No, he's not any more perfect than me, but he is perfect for me. Jacob summed it up: "he makes you smile.". Constantly. He warms me from the inside. He challenges me to be better but accepts me for who I am now. He not only puts up with my quirks but embraces them. He lives my kids as much as he loves me. He has brought some beautiful children into our lives as well. He gives me promise for a future that becomes brighter each passing day. I love you baby!

Well, there you go! Just few of the many blessings god continues to bestow upon me. What a great way to breeze into the new year!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Tale of Two Cities

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us" ~Charles Dickens

This Thanksgiving brought some very special moments for me.  I was blessed to spend it with part of my family and part of my new family and had the opportunity to help others.  I also had a chance to see just how lucky I am in so many ways...

As part of the "teaching the kids the difference between need and want", Wayne and I thought it was time to give more to others so we took the girls to make lunches for the homeless on Thanksgiving morning.  Granted, it took a lot to drag myself and three kids out of our warm beds on a day off.  We decided that we could miss watching the parades and football games for one day.  My mom offered to watch Jacob since we didn't think he would be able to focus for hours.

We went to a local church in Cleveland that prepares meals for the homeless and other hungry families for the holidays.  What we didn't know is that they do this three days a week also.  The kitchen was packed when we got there.  Lots of families helping out for various reasons.  Some were newcomers like us.  Others had done this every Thanksgiving for years.  We were assigned a location to help pack the boxes in assembly line style.  Ours was the cold station.  A salad, roll, butter, cranberry sauce and a piece of pie.  Even with the hot boxes of turkey, potatoes and vegetables it wasn't much compared to the piles of food that we had waiting for us later in the day.  

After a few obligatory hours, most people wandered out to prepare for their own meals.  We had ourselves planned to leave at 11:00 but there were still hundreds of meals still in need of packing so we couldn't bring ourselves to leave.  Our feet hurt.  The cereal we had scarfed down had long burned off.  The turkey smelled so good.  But there were others that needed to be taken care of first.  We were so proud of the girls and how they kept at it.  Then we started to run out of food.  I had earlier mentioned the parable of the five loaves and two fish to the smaller children.  This seemed an appropriate time for a prayer or two.  Just minutes later, more pies and hot food miraculously appeared to fill the last of the boxes needed.  Even today we can be the recipient of small miracles! 

Wayne took a load of food for delivery when they needed a truck.  What he saw touched him pretty deeply.  It's one thing to slap food into a tray and quite another to see the people lined up waiting for what could be their only hot meal for weeks.  It really drove home what we were trying to accomplish and made us appreciate even more what we have.  This one church fed over 10,000 people that day.  And this was just one church!  We ended up staying not for a few hours but over five.

Later, after two houses packed to the hilt with food and very full bellies, we came home.  My sister asked me to stop by Walmart if I could to relieve her for a quick break.  She was waiting in line for one of their great TV specials.  It took me twenty minutes to walk from the end of a very full parking lot into the store.  People were actually running to get inside.  As I entered, more people were pushing and shoving to get to the $2 dvd's or the $5 slippers they just had to have.  It was very much a riot mentality.

Every inch of the store was filled with shoppers.  The checkout lines were all the way to the back of the store at every station.  Not to mention the people who were still waiting in line for their TV's, computers and  video game consoles.  I saw carts filled to the top with "necessary" items to cross off their Christmas lists.  Not a lot of Holiday cheer going around at that store.  And from what I saw posted on Facebook, this was typical of all stores that had Black Friday sales.

As I was standing in line, it hit me just how different this was from the morning.  The attitude was 180 degrees from the other side of town.  If everyone in that store put back just one present, we could have fed each one of those families for a week.  I did a little research.  There are a little over 2,000 homeless people officially in Cuyahoga County.  This does not count the tens of thousands of people with a home but not enough to have three square meals a day.  There were at least 2,000 people in our Walmart alone.  This is one of hundreds of stores in the area that was completely filled with shoppers.  What a difference we could make if everyone pitched in just a little!

I am in no way condemning Black Friday shoppers.  I'm not making myself out to be a saint.  I've been there.  Waiting in line to get a computer that I just had to have.  Grabbing pajamas and toasters that were just too good to pass up.  Spending thousands of dollars making sure everyone on my list gets their required $50 exchange gift.  Buying the latest and greatest toys so my kids won't ever feel neglected.

But when I moved, I realized that the "stuff" didn't matter so much any more.  No, I didn't become a monk.  But the hold that the material things had on me was finally broken.  I didn't have the need to fill my life with quite so much stuff.  I took what meant the most to me:  my kids, my pictures and my videos.  My memories.  Because they are ever so fleeting now.  The toys have lost their pieces.  There are newer and cooler dolls out that long have replaced the old ones.  TV's become outdated; dvd's replaced with blue rays, etc.

Due to the declining economy, we adjusted the "present" budget a few years ago.  Instead of a long list of wants, my kids pick out their very top ones, realizing that even Santa's budget is tight nowadays.  This gets hard to explain when someone at school gets a 4-wheeler from Santa, but we've made it work.  And the kids seem to appreciate more what they do get.  They give up a few gifts so we can pick some angel tree kids to donate to.  The cousins exchange ornaments instead of $50 sweaters and crock pots.  More memories and less dollars.  It has really worked for us so far.

So this year, in the midst of miles of wrapping paper and ribbon, I challenge you to find just one way to help another person.  Drop a few extra dollars in the Salvation Army pail.  Stop and give the guy with the sign at the corner $5 or maybe even the gift card you have for McDonald's that has been sitting unused in your wallet.  Take an extra angel off of the tree.  Shovel your neighbor's sidewalk.  If you are really adventurous, come join us at St. Augustine's as we help feed people on Christmas morning.  The presents will wait.  The ham will still be warm and I promise you that the meal will taste ever so much better.  And please, remember that Jesus is the reason for the season!

The Missing One

"I am saying something about the ultimate mystery. You can understand it, yet you can never understand it totally. It is elusive, it escapes. It is within reach, but it is not within grasp. You are always coming closer and closer to it, but you never arrive."~ Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

No, I'm not looking for love (found it, he's amazing, not going to lose that). Not searching for myself - I believe I've figured her out too. Fame, fortune - well, I've got things money can't buy so I'm good there. What else could I possibly be hunting for?

A sock. Yes, I said a sock. I have three kids playing soccer. The girls are on the same team, so they both have grey. Jacob has black. At any given time, there are five socks in the soccer bag. Somehow one manages to crawl out to assist in the never-ending quest to drive me crazy. Not that it's a long drive.

For those of you chomping at the bit to give me advice, yes - we have a system. Each of the kids has a 2 1/2 gallon ziplock bag that they are supposed to put their gear in this bag as soon as we walk in the house, dirty or not. Then these baggies go right into the awesome soccer mom duffle bag on wheels that fits all their gear and three soccer balls. It even has some room for snacks and Gatorade.

Well, the majority of the time, everything goes in but not everything comes out. Unless the baggie is a cloaking device, something always goes missing. A sock, shin guard, shin guard socks, a cup, shorts and sometimes even a shirt. How this happens when I watch them put everything in is still a mystery. The stuff always turns up in the strangest places. Under or in the couch, on the bookshelf, in their backpack. Never in the laundry basket though.

The best year was when they all wore orange. This worked out perfectly most of the time. One game Jacob played right after the girls. I was yanking the socks off Brianna while Jacob waited in bare feet and shin guards. Socks and shoes on and him off to the field in thirty seconds. Well, the don't call me the soccer mom for nothing...

I could just break down and buy an extra pair at the beginning of the season but that would be breaking the code. I can't live up to the supermom title if I cheat. Besides, the extras would walk off with the missing ones and that would frustrate me even more. BTW, the missing items also go for permission slips, library books, Awana uniforms and backpacks. And I don't even want to talk about shoes. We have six flip flops hanging on the door all the same foot.

So, one of these days I'll be sitting in a quiet house with everything where it belongs. The socks won't be on the bookshelf, the books won't be on the table and the table will be empty except for the centerpiece. The homework assignments and artwork will be packed in boxes in the attic and the fridge will only hold magnets instead of drawings and fingerprints. And I will be sitting in the quiet missing the chaos that is my life now, my babies grown and looking for their own socks. Until then you will probably find me tearing the room apart trying to find the missing one...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Being Good

"Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill."~Buddha

I had another blog posting ready but this is on my heart so it's going first.  I was posting these under Jacob's Journey, but I've been lazy about posting over there.  

As most of you know, my son has been diagnosed as ADHD.  It makes our lives a bit more interesting to say the least.  We've had a really good summer.  It's always easier when he doesn't have to sit still for an eight hour school day.  Well, we're back to school now.  Week one was actually pretty good.  I forgot to give him his meds the first two days and he did OK.  He was a bit better the second two on the medicine.  He has a great and understanding teacher this year so that helps.

Jacob has been a bit rambunctious the last couple days.   Today was no exception.  Luckily he got to work off some of the energy at the playground.  We went to my mom's afterwards.  While there he picked up her Magic 8-Ball (you know - the kind you shake and ask some stupid question like "am I going to win the lottery?").  He asked it if he was going to be good when he grows up.  Geez.  I about broke into tears right then.  

Where does he get the idea that he's a bad person?  You don't realize just how much he picks up on what other people say.  I picked him up in my arms right then and gave him a big hug and told him "of course you are since you are such an amazing kid already!"  Later on he was called a few more names.  He told me when we talked about it that he wanted to say something but he was trying not to get into more trouble.  I know its tough for him but sometimes I forget how tough it must be for him.  He loves me so much that he is trying not to cause me so much difficulty and he's trying to make other people happy too.

On the surface most people just see a bad kid.  They think he just doesn't listen.  They don't know that it's harder for him to focus.  He's easily distracted.  He is quite impulsive.  He has a really strong sense of justice and will "fall out" if he feels he has been wronged.  He has me telling him what to do.  He has two bossy sisters trying to either tell him what to do or get him into some mischief.  He has tons of teachers with different discipline styles all directing him.  Then the occasional family or friend trying to be helpful.  And has a dad that doesn't think there is anything wrong with him and that he can control his behavior but chooses not to.

No wonder he just gives up sometimes.  And feels like he is a "bad" kid.  He's seven.  Let me repeat that - "He's SEVEN."  Not 14.  Not 21.  Not 30.  He doesn't have life experience to tell him how to behave in public.  He learns from his peers.  Kids his age that for the most part don't act any differently than he does without having a behavioral problem to deal with.  Why do most people expect him to act like a grown up?  To sit still for an 8-hour school day.  I can't sit still that long.   I don't know many people who can.  

Why do people have to call him names?  Why do people label him?  Why can't he just be accepted as an active kid.  A very smart, very loving kid when he's allowed to be.  He's not lighting fires or knocking out people's windows with stray rocks or accidental pitches.  He's not bullying other kids.  He likes to climb.  Anything.  He can't walk - he always has to run.  He fidgets.  Put Mario Bros. in front of him and he's a statue.  Other than that he's moving unless he's sleeping.  But he'll give you a bear hug and melt you with his smile.  Especially if he wraps his arms around you and says "I love you mommy."

So give my kid a break.  And all the others out there that are just being kids.  Don't call them names.  Don't label them.  Let them be who they are meant to be.  Try to remember when you were a kid.  I'm sure we all drove just a few adults crazy.  And we turned out OK.  Most of us turned out to be functioning and contributing adults.  Let them be kids just a little bit longer.  Because before long, they'll be graduating from college.  Walking down the aisle.  Having a hard time enjoying life because of the constraints of being an adult.  It will be here before we know it.  I love you baby just the way you are!

Soccer Mom High Speed Lane

“He was always late on principle, his principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.“

~Oscar Wilde

I know, I know - I'm a bad blogger. No excuses this time. Except that I have been living life. Very well. And I did post a blog. It just wasn't on here. You can check it out at my friend Jen's website. Also, she's having a 5K run in honor of Patty and to raise money for ovarian cancer. If you want to know more about it, click here.

You're probably wondering about the title of this post. Well, apparently it is that time of year again. When the schedules get crazy. When shoes and jeans miraculously shrink two sizes and nothing is "cool" enough for the school year. Time to cruise the clothes aisles and pile the basket up with the newest school supplies. $238 and counting so far this year. And that's just the list they sent home from school!

For me, the summer has been busy. But the kids were away for five weeks. Even since they've been back they haven't had any daily activities. That's all about to change. I got a call from one of the kids soccer coaches for practices starting this week. Really? It can't possibly be time to start all over again. I'm still sorting through stacks of school projects. I've barely been swimming. It's too early to put the Soccer Mom hat on yet. I'm actually typing this in the one hour of free time I have this week - while everyone is at practice. Wow! An entire hour of the iPad all for me lol. Yeah, I could be taking a nap but what's the fun in that?

Oh, but it's time. There's no escaping it. I got off easy not having baseball this summer. Dinner at the table (well, at least some of the time.) Lots of Super Mario games on the Wii. It's been nice having the downtime. Back to the 10:00 dinners and forgotten homework that gets done at the breakfast table. Laundry at one in the morning. Sleep is highly overrated.

Well, now that it's here I have a suggestion. Actually my Soccer Mom friend Ali suggested it. We need a high speed lane specifically for Soccer Moms. This goes for baseball, softball and karate moms too. But I am "The Soccer Mom" so I get to name it. We need a lane without traffic lights that inevitably all turn red as I am approaching. One not clogged with minivans doing 40 in a 65. (Sorry - I know a lot of Soccer Moms drive mini-vans, but based upon my experience I am going to require a driving test prior to being allowed in such lanes.) One that allows us to get off of work at 4:00, drive 20 minutes across town to pick up a child, shove McDondald's down them and wash it down with Gatorade, get the child dressed and make it to the soccer field by 5.

Not as easy as it sounds. Especially when the state tree of Ohio is the Orange Barrel. They are quite fond of these in my area. And even more importantly are the 11 stoplights between the freeway and soccer and the 12 between my apartment and karate. No less than 80% of these lights will be red in between the hours of 5:00 and 9:00. After that time they will inevitably be green as I return home.

I'd even be willing to pay a fee for such a lane. It has to be cheaper than the speeding ticket I'm bound to get. And hopefully safer. I could go a more reasonable speed without all of the traffic. Maybe even make it somewhere on time...

So, until the ODOT takes my advice and adds my lane, you'll see me zipping across town doing my standard 5 MPH (yeah right...) faster than the speed limit. Throwing four karate bags, an oversized soccer bag and cub scout/Awana/choir/band/whatever else they sign up for this year bags in the back of my pickup truck. Here's to all the moms (and dads, grandparents and other awesome friends and family members that step in to help keep our children's lives enriched beyond the game consoles. My hour is up anyways. Happy back-to-school month!