Courage

"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death." ~Earl Wilson

This is going to be a short one.  Gotta hit the hay in preparation for tomorrow.  Need my sleep if I'm going to make it through the day.

Some of you know a bit about my job.  This is for the rest of you.  Being the new girl, I got thrown into the middle of several project launches.  Not gently tossed but thrust like a missile.  No training.  No preparation.  Just hit the ground running. Hard.

For me, this is what I love to do.  Fix things.  Improve upon them.  Fill in the blanks.  It's been going really well.  Until today.  Today I got chewed.  Royally.  Nothing I had any control over or could have prevented.  Basically we are going to lose a lot of money from last month.  Could I have fixed it if I had it from the beginning?  Probably.  But I came in during the week of launch.  Just had to divide and conquer.  Repair what was broken and patch up what I could so we could ship parts.  

I got that part done.  Still a lot of improvement that needs to happen.  But the line is stable and shipping parts.  Now for the cleanup.  It's kinda like a nuclear blast site.  I get to answer for what went wrong and how to fix it next time.  Well, for one, let me launch the project from the beginning.  Two, don't fire the Supervisor the week of launch and put a new person in his place.  Three, require your supplier to ship good material to you, not send whatever just to make shipments.  And give them time to develop the part.  They won't want to hear any of that though.

So, I'm scared.  Unusual for me at work.  My job is on the line.  I'm only contract, so I could be the scapegoat here.  Or my report could cause someone else to lose their job.  It's a lose-lose situation.  One I do not like to be put in.  But I have to do my job because I have to support my family now.  I need lots of prayers.  To guide my actions and my words tomorrow.  That I keep my job.  That I don't cause someone else to lose theirs.  But no matter what, that I am true to myself and my values.  Even if it means walking away...