Friday, March 25, 2011

One Year... (Part Two)

"The poet knows himself only on the condition that things resound in him, and that in him, at a single awakening, they and he come forth together out of sleep.”~Jacques Maritain

 The next morning I go to the bathroom to reassess the damage.  Yep, it’s still short.  It didn’t grow back overnight.

  I head to work.  Maybe everyone will be too busy to notice.  Nope.  Everyone has time to comment.  A couple of glances.  A few second glances.  Then the guys just start to stare.  Now I’m really getting compliments.  One of the cute ones (you know, the one that’s always on the top five lists of hot guys you work with) mentions he really likes short hair and my haircut is hot.  Oh my God!  Did that just happen?  If I had known that, the hair would have come off a long time ago.  It continues on like that for the rest of the work day.  It's awkward, because I really don't like to call attention to myself.  But I have to say it was quite flattering.   Especially less than a week after your husband decided he wanted a divorce.

  Later that night, I hop on the computer as usual.  I log onto one of those really popular social networking sites.  An old “friend” pops on.  We chat a little.  Talk about life for the last twenty-two years.  Is it really possible that it has been that long?  No, can’t be.  I’m not old enough to have done anything twenty-two years ago.  Well, back to the story.  He tells me he used to have a crush on me.  A big one.  For years.  Kept a picture of me for all this time.  I never knew.  Then he tells me he could still have one.  OK, here come the butterflies.  What do I do?  The normal me would have said thank you and logged off in a hurry.  But I’m not the old me.  I’m the new me with the hot new haircut.

  I ask coyly "really...?"  (Of course, it's hard to convey coyly over a chat, but ya know what I mean.)  Needless to say, we talked for hours.  Like until four in the morning.  This is going to make work very interesting.... 

  I'm sure at this point you are saying "Yeah, yeah... extremely vulnerable soon-to-be-divorced soccer mom.  Wake up.  He's just taking advantage of your weakened state."  But this wasn't a just another guy.  This one knew me, inside and out and I never knew it.  He remembered things about me that I barely remembered - the way I smiled, the color of my eyes (they're not just blue; they are blue with gold around the pupil so they sometimes look green), how my eyes get darker when I'm angry, how I bite my lip sometimes when I am unsure.  Who remembers this stuff?  I couldn't believe that anyone paid that much attention to me.  I'm the plain, quiet one with an occassional burst of outgoingness.  I'm not the kind of girl someone never forgets.  But he remembered...

  So, after a few hours of conversation with an amazingly special person, I started to wake up from the sleep I had been in for so long...

(Continued in part 3)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

One Year... (Part One)

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today."
~E. Joseph Cossman

March 23rd.  Just another day.  Nothing special about it.  A couple days after Spring begins.  Just after St. Paddy's Day.  Not yet Easter.  Taxes aren't even due.  Perhaps you have a birthday on it.  But otherwise, it's a day that goes by unnoticed.

Not by me.  You see - that's the day my life changed.  Everything I knew to be true about myself and my life changed on that day.  One year ago tomorrow my world did a 180 degree turn.  I lost what I thought I wanted.  I found what I didn't know I needed.  And I ended up halfway across the country... all because of a haircut.

Those of you close to me know what I'm talking about.  The rest of you are probably scratching your heads, knowing I've lost my fool mind.  You see, I told you I'm the type of person that blends into the crowd.  I don't really stand out.  At least not unless I'm talking - loudly.  Otherwise, you barely notice me.  I'm not saying this for attention.  Part of it I bring on myself.  I don't like to be embarrassed.  So I tend to be content in the wings.

Until last year.  That fateful day.  It was time for a haircut.  My regular hairdresser was busy and I needed a change.  So I go to Great Clips.  I mean hey - $6.99 for a haircut?  This ought to be good.  I bring in pics.  I want a classic bob.  What better to blend in with?  So Crystal starts to cut.  Looks like she knows what she's doing.  There's a lot of hair falling to the floor, but it was pretty long.  Typical PTA supermom hair.  Maybe more like the church lady.  Well, I digress.  Hair.  Lots and lots of hair.  It feels a lot lighter and cooler.  This should be good.

Crystal tells me that it's just a little shorter near the ears than in the picture.  Uh, oh.  You are not supposed to see my ears.  Classic bob.  Shoulder length... that means to my shoulders.  Ears are not in the picture.  No ears.  No "a bit shorter."  Then she swings me around.  Here it is - the "ta-da" moment.

Holy *&^%$!  OMG.  Nooooo....  My hair is short.  Really short.  I haven't had it this short since probably college.  Maybe not since second grade when I sported my Dorothy Hamill cut and my grandfather thought I was a little boy.  It's short.  Not quite Halle Barry.  Maybe more like Victoria Beckham short.  "Glue it back on!!!"  I'm screaming this in my head.  Not because I'm being polite.  Because I'm in shock.  My hair is gone!  I can't make a sound.  (Trust me - this is an extremely unusual event in my life.  I am never at a loss for words!)

She asks me what I think.  I just smile and nod.  Again, not being polite.  I'm about to cry now.  I pay.  Get into my truck.  Drive home.  Thinking.  Planning.  Hat.  Scarf.  Maybe no one will notice.  Riiiight...

My kids just stare at me like I am a seven foot giant that has walked into their world.  My husband (at the time) gives me a look from hell.  He hates short hair.  And it's short.  He figures I did it on purpose just to tick him off.  I didn't, but hey - I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I go to bed early.  Too much stress.  I have no idea how I'm going to handle this in the morning.  There is absolutely no way that I am going to hide with this haircut.  Everyone is going to notice...

(continued tomorrow...) 
(That means you have to come back for the "rest of the story..." lol)

Monday, March 7, 2011


"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious...He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed. " ~ Albert Einstein

We all need to be told we are beautiful once in a while - even if it is by a drunk guy...

Let me preface this a little bit...we went out Friday night.  Girls night out.  Whoohoo!  One of my bestest (my mom's word) friends from High School, Pat, was celebrating her birthday.  We had several guys show up as well.  Pat's handsome man, some of his good friends, boyfriends/husbands of other girls.  The ones that were there were the "cool" guys -  those guys that I only met through having a cool friend like Patty (sorry girl, but that's how I still think of you...).  I was just not quite that cool in school.  Band geek.  Smart kid.  Not too nerdy, but too awkward to truly pull off cool. 

But that's what friends are for, right?  I was one of those people that was friends with everyone.  Every clique.  I didn't fit in with any of them, but they all accepted me.  The cheerleaders, the rockers, the cool kids....  But as for dating, that kind of guy would never look twice at me.  I blended in too much for that.

Well, at the party, I walk in and all of the seats near Pat are taken.  There's this amazingly cute guy at the end of the table.  Of course there is nowhere to sit but at the other end of the table.  I go to walk towards an open seat and cute guy tells me to hold on.   He moves everyone over and gets me an extra seat right next to him.  Then we proceed to have this amazing conversation.  I'm thinking "this is too good to be true."  This is me, of course.   1) Cute guys don't just talk to me out of the blue, and 2) they are never interested in ME.  He even says he doesn't understand the connection he feels towards me seeing that we just met.   Then in the next breath, he says "that's what drew me to my lovely wife...she made me feel so comfortable with her."   Ta-da.  There it is.  Just like I said, too good to be true.  But hey - I made an incredible new friend with a really cool guy who just happens to be totally in love with his wife.  That's OK.  Gives me hope that love is still out there... :)

Well, cute guy takes off.  A few minutes later, someone spills their beer right behind me.  Being the soccer mom that I am, I jump up with napkins and help clean it.  This guy starts laughing at me.  I tell him that with three kids, it's just a habit.  He still thinks it's funny.  Introduces himself.  Laughs as sit back down.  A slow song comes on.  He comes over and asks me to dance.  OK. Well, I'm not a very good dancer, but it's a slow song.  I can handle this. 

We go out to the floor.  He proceeds to tell me that he watched me get passed by all night and I was simply too beautiful to sit on the sidelines.  Ahhh.  See - chivalry is not dead.  It's simply hiding behind a bottle of Blue Moon.  Then, he points over at the table and tells me about his beautiful wife that he's known since fourth grade.  Yep, it's there again.  The wife.  Oh well.  He made me smile.  I told him that "actually, I wasn't passed up by the guys since they were all taken, but it was really sweet anyways".

So, I'm still not quite the cool girl.  But I'm getting there.  Very happy with the person I have become.  OK with being at a party without a date at the moment.  Comfortable enough to talk to an amazing guy and dance with another one.  And I'm beautiful - Mike said so!