Sunday, January 16, 2011

Exit Interviews for Dating

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Go ahead, try it.  What can it hurt?  That's the dating advice I got.  So I did it.  Signed up for eHarmony.  They match you on 29 dimensions of compatibility.  Should be easy, right?

Wrong.  You get all kinds of matches.  You find one you like and send a flirt or initial message.  Sometimes they respond.  Most of the time they close your contact.  Slam the door in your face is more like it.  It would be nice if they at least had to respond why.  "I didn't like your profile pic."  "I'm intimidated by women who make more money than me."  "Three kids!  You've got to be kidding me!"  But you get nothing.  Other than this damned orange box that says "Closed."

So tried a free site called PlentyofFish.  A little better here.  More "real" people.  Met a few decent guys so far, but nothing long term.  Yet.  Apparently guys my age for the most part don't like to make the first move.  So I have to.  That's tough to do when I'm just starting to get my confidence back.  But I've been able to take this step.  It's a big leap from the little girl sitting on the sidewalk at recess.   I make the first move.  Sometimes it works out, most of the time not.

For the few that made it to a dating stage, the end is always the most fun (can you feel the sarcasm?).  One of us has to decide to end it.  If you're not fighting, you have to figure out the best way to do it without hurting the other person.  You can use the typical lines "It's not you, it's me" even though it's definitely you.  If it wasn't you, we wouldn't be breaking up.  Or you would be breaking up with me.

I think there should be a mandatory "Exit Interview" for dating.  When you leave a job you have to fill one out.  Explain to them why their company sucks and that you left them to make more money or something along those lines.  Why not have one for dating?

Some sample check boxes could be:
  • too clingy
  • calls too much
  • calls too little
  • can't kiss
  • her perfume makes me break out
  • stalks ex-boyfriends/girlfriends
  • still lives with Mom and always will
  • thinks everyone in the world is evil except him
  • I expected Martha Stewart and got Paris Hilton (or vice versa)
Things along those lines.  With a comment section on the bottom to cover those unusual circumstances that you don't normally run into in the real world.  You know, things like:  
  • likes to show dates youtube videos of his band for hours on end
  • his best friend and him both believe in aliens and that Jesus was one of them
  • first time out of the gate since he was divorced and he doesn't have the courtesy to call you back
  • ignores you on dates unless you are talking about fishing
  • breaks up with girls on Facebook and unfriends them
Oh, sorry, those have just been a few of my experiences.  I would love to hear about some of yours (although I'm afraid to ask!).

If everyone was required to fill one of these out, at least we would know why and what not to do in the next relationship.  Why would someone end it unexpectedly?  Why wouldn't they immediately fall in love with me - I'm awesome!   Didn't they like the fluffy kitten with the big heart I left on their desk?  Just kidding - I didn't do that (yet lol).

So, I'm initiating this form for all future dates.  From now on no one is allowed to take the easy way out.  Unless they feel like acting like a grown-up and respecting me by giving me a truthful answer.  Which, so far, seems like an impossible request.  Any suggestions for the form?

Saturday, January 15, 2011


"So after snow comes fire, and even dragons have their ending..." ~J.R.R. Tolkien

I started writing this particular blog post about my recent trip.  I'll talk about it in a minute but I need to vent first if that's OK.

Saw this guy I met a few times.  Eric, the Coffee Shop Guy, for those keeping score.  I don't have a lot of free time for dating, so when I do it's really precious to me.  I thought we had hit it off pretty well.  He called me after the first meeting.  That night.  And again the next morning.  And for days on end.  It seemed to be going really great. 

Then last night I get an e-mail through Facebook telling me I'm a really great lady and all but he doesn't have the time or ability to see me anymore.  That's all well and good, but to do it on Facebook?    And then unfriends me.  OK, well that just pisses me off.  And what "ability" do you need to see someone?  No signals, no arguments.  What's that all about?  Just how crappy did the relationship have to be to warrant an "unfriending"?

Common consensus is that he's a coward and isn't good enough for me.  You've got that right on both counts.  Yeah, I know.  The man of my dreams is waiting around the corner and all that jazz.   But I really liked this guy, so it hurt.  Big time.

Well, enough about that.  This week I felt a lot like Gilligan.  I set off for an overnight trip and ended up being gone over four days.  I got snowed in in a small town in South Carolina.  Along the way I met some pretty great friends!

Shannon worked the desk at the hotel.  And at the bar when she got off from the deskwork.  She went above and beyond getting me booked in for the extra nights.  Her and all of the workers that ended up staying for the week were super.  Granted, it was the Hilton (and I have developed a weakness for French-milled soap), but they made what could have been a stressful situation a blast!

Sakiya works at Cato's.  I had to go shopping.  I only had one outfit.  What I really mean is that I had a blessed free day that allowed me to update my wardrobe in a very positive way lol.  Sakiya was the only one who showed up to work that day and I was her only customer.  She made me feel like I was shopping on Saks Fifth Avenue.  She even rolled the rack into the dressing room.  I got to try on tons of outfits in peace and quiet (which never happens).  And I got the cutest shoes!  They are really hot and I'm usually not a shoe person.  Did I mention the awesome shoes I got?

Cynthia was my co-pilot at the airport.  She was there for a 5:30 flight and mine was supposed to be at 6 (that's a.m.).  I have a ton in common with her and we talk until the plane finally gets off of the ground.  Despite de-icers, broken gas trucks, inoperable bathrooms, and canceled flights.  Here's to strong women who claw their way out of bad relationships and make a great life for themselves!

So, in spite of guys who don't have the balls (yeah, I went there) to tell me to my face or at least on the phone that it's not working out, I'll be OK.  I have some really great friends, both old and new, that will get me through the toughest of storms.  And I may not be a dragon, but I am a Scorpio and it's not a really good idea to cross me.  I will come back stronger and wiser for the journey.  So, until the right guy comes along, watch out for the fire... I have a blog :)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


"We should all know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color." ~Maya Angelou

"If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity."~JFK

I know I'm going to get in trouble for this blog post.  But, ya know me.  I thrive on chaos.  And who wants to take the easy road?

I had a debate with a very close friend.  A comment had come up about the possibility of my daughters eventually dating a "black" guy.  I don't care if they date someone purple with orange polka-dots as long as they treat them right.  Anyone that knows me understands that I am basically color-blind.  I don't pay attention to looks or color.  I know people by their hearts.  I am actually taken aback when I run into racism or discrimination because it is so not a part of who I am.

My friend stated that someone she knows (a "white" lady) recently married a "black" guy.  I put the quotations on the words because I don't really know anyone that is truly white or black, just mainly various shades of ruddy peach and brown, but that's being a little too specific I guess.  

Well, anyways, this person stated that it wasn't fair for this couple to bring children into this world knowing that they are going to be picked on.  How terrible that they would be subjected to people staring and commenting all of the time.  I stated then I didn't think it was fair that I was born because I was picked on terribly for my weight when I was younger.  And for not having the best clothes.  And various other things that brings out cruelty in children and even adults.

I was told that it's not the same thing.  But that I should stick with "my kind" which is supposedly Irish Catholic.  That way there isn't conflict with customs and beliefs and other such traditions.  But what about the Slovenian part of me?  Or Scottish?  Or Bohemian (on both sides believe it or not)?  Or English.  And God knows what else.  Do I ignore these parts of my family?  I mean, I've never had haggis or smoked a fag, but I have dressed Bohemian.  At the same time, I don't know what a coddle is and I hate cabbage.  But I love potatoes and I can drink like a fish.  That's Irish - right?

But I'm being facetious.  Seriously, I'm a mutt.  But in a good way.  I'm not a fancy comforter you buy out of the JCPenny's catalog that coordinates and has cute matching pillows.  I am little scraps of worn fabric sewn together into a strong and beautiful patchwork quilt.  Some of the pieces are soft and fluffy, while others are tough and unbreakable.  Not all of my stitches are straight and even, but they hold together where they need too.  I am warm and comfortable and useful on a cold night.  I'm not just here for decoration and there is a lot of substance to me - not just a bunch of polyfill and fluff.

Where does it say that we should all be the same or stay with people just like us?  Is it in the Bible?  Is this what God wanted for us?   Did he mean for us to have a say in who should be born?  Does being "like" everyone else in your circle make you have a better life?  Does one person have more purpose in being here and the rest of us are just filler?  Where do we draw the line?  Do we go by looks?  By IQ?  Money?

So anyways, it's 2011 people.  I know there are still ignorant people out there, but it seems to me that discrimination is getting better.  It is more politically correct to have a diverse group of friends.  We seem to celebrate our differences more than look down on others because of them. What a beautiful world we live in because everyone is different!

But what do I know?  So, I'm curious what your opinion is.  You can post anonymously if you want to.  

Monday, January 3, 2011

Jacob's Journey

"The mind gets distracted in all sorts of ways.  The heart is its own exclusive concern and diversion." ~Malcom de Chazal

Today I started a new page for Jacob's journey.  If you've been following the blog or you know me personally, you know that although Jacob can be the sweetest, most charming child in the world, he is usually quite a handful.  He has recently been diagnosed with ADHD.  It has been a very difficult decision for me to place him on medication, but he is having extreme concentration problems in school.  So I finally gave in.  Jacob's Journey is a journal of what changes we see through this process.  I'm hoping for the best.  Maybe I'll be able to help someone else with what I learn.  Oh, and yes, that's Jacob in the picture.  This is advancement day at Karate and he's using his old belt as binoculars.  
You can read updates by clicking on the Jacob's Journey tab above.  Yeah, right up there.