Broken. Fractured, smashed, splintered. Imperfect. Interrupted. Incomplete. It's a word that has nothing but negative connotations tied to it. We don't keep broken things. We throw them away and buy something new and pristine to replace it.
When it's a person, people don't know what to do. It scares them when you tell them you're broken. They'll tell you you're not broken, you're just bent. You're strong. You'll get through it. God never gives you more than you can handle.
But, He does. Sometimes he gives you so much that you bend until you can't bend any more. Then you break. And sometimes when you are exceptionally stubborn like me, he breaks you again. Shatters you. So you don't look like you any more.
For me, this threw me into a major depression - and guess what? I didn't believe in depression. I thought it was just weak people that needed to suck it up. Get back on their feet. Now I know better. I know it's a painfully physical and chemical response that you can't get out of on your own. You don't want to get out of. You can go on - you just don't want to. It skews your viewpoint. You can't feel the warmth of the sun on your face or the hug of a child. It's darkness embodied.
When you're shattered, it gives you the opportunity for God to fill in the empty spaces. It allows His grace to flood into you where once you might have blocked it's way. It lets new experiences to mold you into a different creature. One that looks more like what God wants you to look like and less like what you want.
And you're never quite the same. You look like the same person you were. People will say that they're glad you are back to your old self. You're not. You never will be. Some just can't deal with this and walk away. Others come into your life and stay for good.
So, yeah guys, I'm broken. But I want to make a new definition for this condition. Restored. Filled with grace. Open to new possibilities. Empathatic. Resilient. Different yet still beautiful, possibly more so. Letting the light shine through the cracks that weren't there before. Ready to see what God was preparing me for and completely willing to embrace the brokenness that is me. Broken; not bent. Are you broken too? Let's be broken together.
every word in this is wow. beautiful. echoing grace. shouting strength.
ReplyDeleteIsaiah 43: 2 is an amazing promise i hold onto often for my broken places: When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
embrace today lovely woman of God, because God is so at work.
blessings, claire