Thursday, July 28, 2011

Soccer Mom High Speed Lane

“He was always late on principle, his principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.“
~Oscar Wilde

I know, I know - I'm a bad blogger. No excuses this time. Except that I have been living life. Very well. And I did post a blog. It just wasn't on here. You can check it out at my friend Jen's website. Also, she's having a 5K run in honor of Patty and to raise money for ovarian cancer. If you want to know more about it, click here.

You're probably wondering about the title of this post. Well, apparently it is that time of year again. When the schedules get crazy. When shoes and jeans miraculously shrink two sizes and nothing is "cool" enough for the school year. Time to cruise the clothes aisles and pile the basket up with the newest school supplies. $238 and counting so far this year. And that's just the list they sent home from school!

For me, the summer has been busy. But the kids were away for five weeks. Even since they've been back they haven't had any daily activities. That's all about to change. I got a call from one of the kids soccer coaches for practices starting this week. Really? It can't possibly be time to start all over again. I'm still sorting through stacks of school projects. I've barely been swimming. It's too early to put the Soccer Mom hat on yet. I'm actually typing this in the one hour of free time I have this week - while everyone is at practice. Wow! An entire hour of the iPad all for me lol. Yeah, I could be taking a nap but what's the fun in that?

Oh, but it's time. There's no escaping it. I got off easy not having baseball this summer. Dinner at the table (well, at least some of the time.) Lots of Super Mario games on the Wii. It's been nice having the downtime. Back to the 10:00 dinners and forgotten homework that gets done at the breakfast table. Laundry at one in the morning. Sleep is highly overrated.

Well, now that it's here I have a suggestion. Actually my Soccer Mom friend Ali suggested it. We need a high speed lane specifically for Soccer Moms. This goes for baseball, softball and karate moms too. But I am "The Soccer Mom" so I get to name it. We need a lane without traffic lights that inevitably all turn red as I am approaching. One not clogged with minivans doing 40 in a 65. (Sorry - I know a lot of Soccer Moms drive mini-vans, but based upon my experience I am going to require a driving test prior to being allowed in such lanes.) One that allows us to get off of work at 4:00, drive 20 minutes across town to pick up a child, shove McDondald's down them and wash it down with Gatorade, get the child dressed and make it to the soccer field by 5.

Not as easy as it sounds. Especially when the state tree of Ohio is the Orange Barrel. They are quite fond of these in my area. And even more importantly are the 11 stoplights between the freeway and soccer and the 12 between my apartment and karate. No less than 80% of these lights will be red in between the hours of 5:00 and 9:00. After that time they will inevitably be green as I return home.

I'd even be willing to pay a fee for such a lane. It has to be cheaper than the speeding ticket I'm bound to get. And hopefully safer. I could go a more reasonable speed without all of the traffic. Maybe even make it somewhere on time...

So, until the ODOT takes my advice and adds my lane, you'll see me zipping across town doing my standard 5 MPH (yeah right...) faster than the speed limit. Throwing four karate bags, an oversized soccer bag and cub scout/Awana/choir/band/whatever else they sign up for this year bags in the back of my pickup truck. Here's to all the moms (and dads, grandparents and other awesome friends and family members that step in to help keep our children's lives enriched beyond the game consoles. My hour is up anyways. Happy back-to-school month!