Sunday, January 16, 2011

Exit Interviews for Dating

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Go ahead, try it.  What can it hurt?  That's the dating advice I got.  So I did it.  Signed up for eHarmony.  They match you on 29 dimensions of compatibility.  Should be easy, right?

Wrong.  You get all kinds of matches.  You find one you like and send a flirt or initial message.  Sometimes they respond.  Most of the time they close your contact.  Slam the door in your face is more like it.  It would be nice if they at least had to respond why.  "I didn't like your profile pic."  "I'm intimidated by women who make more money than me."  "Three kids!  You've got to be kidding me!"  But you get nothing.  Other than this damned orange box that says "Closed."

So tried a free site called PlentyofFish.  A little better here.  More "real" people.  Met a few decent guys so far, but nothing long term.  Yet.  Apparently guys my age for the most part don't like to make the first move.  So I have to.  That's tough to do when I'm just starting to get my confidence back.  But I've been able to take this step.  It's a big leap from the little girl sitting on the sidewalk at recess.   I make the first move.  Sometimes it works out, most of the time not.

For the few that made it to a dating stage, the end is always the most fun (can you feel the sarcasm?).  One of us has to decide to end it.  If you're not fighting, you have to figure out the best way to do it without hurting the other person.  You can use the typical lines "It's not you, it's me" even though it's definitely you.  If it wasn't you, we wouldn't be breaking up.  Or you would be breaking up with me.

I think there should be a mandatory "Exit Interview" for dating.  When you leave a job you have to fill one out.  Explain to them why their company sucks and that you left them to make more money or something along those lines.  Why not have one for dating?

Some sample check boxes could be:
  • too clingy
  • calls too much
  • calls too little
  • can't kiss
  • her perfume makes me break out
  • stalks ex-boyfriends/girlfriends
  • still lives with Mom and always will
  • thinks everyone in the world is evil except him
  • I expected Martha Stewart and got Paris Hilton (or vice versa)
Things along those lines.  With a comment section on the bottom to cover those unusual circumstances that you don't normally run into in the real world.  You know, things like:  
  • likes to show dates youtube videos of his band for hours on end
  • his best friend and him both believe in aliens and that Jesus was one of them
  • first time out of the gate since he was divorced and he doesn't have the courtesy to call you back
  • ignores you on dates unless you are talking about fishing
  • breaks up with girls on Facebook and unfriends them
Oh, sorry, those have just been a few of my experiences.  I would love to hear about some of yours (although I'm afraid to ask!).

If everyone was required to fill one of these out, at least we would know why and what not to do in the next relationship.  Why would someone end it unexpectedly?  Why wouldn't they immediately fall in love with me - I'm awesome!   Didn't they like the fluffy kitten with the big heart I left on their desk?  Just kidding - I didn't do that (yet lol).

So, I'm initiating this form for all future dates.  From now on no one is allowed to take the easy way out.  Unless they feel like acting like a grown-up and respecting me by giving me a truthful answer.  Which, so far, seems like an impossible request.  Any suggestions for the form?


  1. This brings back memories from not that long ago. I was using Yahoo, and eHarmony. I used to see the same guys on all three. Yet each profile said something different. Once I ever saw a guy who's name was completely different than it was on Match. It was the exact same profile picture too. They must think women are dumb! It's an adventure to say the least. But it was fun when I was using it.

  2. Loved it Michele!


  3. You had me laughing out loud! This is great! I luv ya! :)

  4. I just stumbled on your blog from Single Dad Laughing. I think the dating exit interview is an excellent idea! Wouldn't it be funny if the dating sites allowed you to fill out the exit interview form right on the site and then let others read the results?

  5. So true! Thanks for your thoughts. This blog made me chuckle.

    PS: I also found you on SDL, in case you were wondering.


  6. HI! Found you from SDL and love this!! Dating is TOUGH these days so it was nice to see something funny about it and the exit interview is an AWESOME idea :) Thank you!

  7. I love this. So sorry you've been through that, but I totally agree with you.

    1. The good that I have taken from this is that each one of these show me more and more what I don't want. And I'm stronger for it. It really shouldn't be this hard...