Sunday, April 24, 2011

Did that really just happen?

"Once we are in the habit of filtering what we want to believe through a sieve, disbelief splashes back in our face" ~Author unknown

So dating.  Have I told you it sucks lately?  Actually - it is more a constant source of amazement and entertainment.  Why do I share my misfortunes with the world?  Why should I be the only person getting a good laugh...?

I had a free night.  By free I mean without children (stayed at Grandma's), no work, and basically no responsibilities.  It doesn't happen very often, so when it does I try to take advantage of it.  What would any self-deprecating, borderline insane person do in a case such as this?  Probably go through her list of semi-normal appearing contacts and see who she should give the honor of taking her out on a date.  And that's what I did.

I decided on the medical research scientist.  Sounded normal.  Cute.  Had a busy schedule, so he would understand mine.  What the heck.  I rush around to get the apartment in order.  It's the week before my girls' play, so life's been super busy.  I have to erase all remnants of the chaos that is my life and make it appear that I have it all together and I just didn't vacuum up the pixos/sculpy/paperoni's that littered the dining room floor. (It's a mom thing you wouldn't understand unless you have kids).

Apartment is clean.  That leaves me about 7 minutes to get ready.  Wow!  That's a record.  Usually it's only 5.  I get ready.  I look good.  Really good.  And I say that in the most humble of ways.  Scientist knocks on the door.  I glide over and answer it without breathing so he doesn't know I had to run to the door.  He's pretty cute in person.  I invite him in.  We talk for a few.  Seems to be going well.

I am dying of thirst from rushing so much.  I go to the kitchen for a glass of water.  When I come back out, he's texting.  Not a super good sign.  I mean, I know I'm new at this, but I understand this means his attention is elsewhere and not on me.  I joke and ask if he was letting everyone know that I wasn't an axe murderer.  (Long story - basically mom asks me how I know someone's not an axe murderer.  I ask everyone on the off chance someone will be honest lol).  He says that he was putting his phone in emergency mode so we could have some privacy.  Riiiight....

No more than 5 minutes later, his phone beeps.  Hmmm.  He proceeds to begin the worst case of acting I've seen in a long time.  He drops his head into his hands.  He acts hesitant to answer it.  Says he has a different ring for everyone and that is his co-worker.   He hems and haws.  (That looks strange - I've never typed it before lol).  Says that either he wants to go out for a drink or the lab blew up.  Mmmhmmm...  yeah.  I was born yesterday.

I encourage him to check it.  I mean, I know what's going on, but he's trying ever so hard to seem genuine.  I don't know whether to play along or call him out on the floor.  If I call him out, I won't know just how far he'll take this.  Play along it is...  He gives in and finally checks the text making sure he holds the phone so I have a clear view of the message.  "You have to come back into work immediately.  The condenser on the freezer has died."  Plausible.  Maybe a 1% chance of some truth.  He now takes his head in both of his hands exhaling loudly.  "I told my boss we shouldn't buy the used freezer.  We are going to lose 3 years of research and $35,000 worth of materials.  I have to go in and see if there is a spare freezer that we can use."  Keep in mind this is all being spoken with deep drama.    I just keep my mouth closed other than offer to help move the stuff which he quickly rejects.  It's so hilarious I am about to laugh at this point.

He heads back to work and tells me he will text when he gets there on the off chance he can make it back.  Like that's going to happen.  I call my bff's.  I ask "please tell me that there is the slightest chance that he was telling the truth."  Nope.  Pretty consistent responses.  Ali suggests I have him send a picture.  Brilliant.  He finally texts me and says that there is water all over the floor.  I respond "OMG.  That's terrible.  You'll have to send me a picture!"  And - that's the last I heard from the medical research scientist...

I wasn't upset.  It didn't kill my self-esteem.  I laughed.  I mean, really?  Did he really just do that?  Yes, yes - he really did that.  Something didn't click on his side.  I would have understood if he was not into me and just told me without playing a game and treating me like I was stupid.  But, apparently he had a burning desire to be turned into a bad dating blog.

And so, here I am granting him his deepest desire.  Because if you think you are going to treat me with a complete lack of respect and get away with it, you are sorely mistaken.  I will blog.  That's what I do.  And instead of sitting around waiting, I called up my buddy and went over to his house and played Xbox 360 until 8 a.m.  There's just the slightest chance I was picturing his face as I was obliterating bad guys!  Until next time...


  1. Wow!! You handled that sooo well!! I would have called him on it... if only to see him melt into a pool of goo and then try to explain why... WTG for blogging though!! Glad you had fun on the XBOX tho... sounds like it was more fun than the date would have been anyway!!

  2. Good call to play along and yes I would have to agree that the chances of his story being true are slim to none. In the end at least you didn't waste your time with not worth it. His loss, not yours. You will find the man who cherishes the beautiful person that you are and deserve.

  3. At least you didn't fall for it! That's the oldest trick in the dating book! Glad you had fun anyway. Better luck next time.