Monday, February 28, 2011

I am the exception...

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.  Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the un-returned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope." ~Quote from "He's Just Not That Into You"

(If there has ever been a movie that mirrors my life, this one hits pretty close to home...)

Ahhhh, dating.... Seems like a never-ending source of blog posts.  There are millions of single guys out there.  How do I keep finding the real "winners?"

Met a pretty cool guy online.  Yeah - online.  My circle of friends is pretty small here, even with all of the family activities.  Still seems to be the best option for meeting someone.  We talk for several weeks.  Lots of lost sleep.  He finally gets the nerve up to ask me on a date.  I make the babysitting arrangements and am pretty excited about this one.  He's a different sort of guy.  Really honest.  Maybe too honest sometimes but has a great sense of humor. 

The Sunday before the date I'm talking to him again on the phone.  In the middle of the conversation he says "Do you mind if I get off of the phone for a few?  There's a girl I've been trying to set up a date with that goes to bed early.  I know you'll be up for a while.  Do you mind if I call you back?"  OK, here's me - mouth dropped open.  Stomach clenched.  Tears even attempt to sneak into my eyes.  Oh - hell no he didn't.  Yes, yes he did. 

"No, I don't mind," I say.  "You guys have a great time."  Then he has the nerve to ask if I'm upset.  "No, no of course I'm not upset.  Why would I be upset?" [Possibly because I thought you were a pretty great guy and now you just relegated yourself into the loser pile???] Then he says that I appreciated his honesty.  Yeah...I was wrong.  Honesty sucks.  Needless that date never happened...

Well, there was no way I was going to sacrifice a date night since I already had a babysitter (my awesome mom!) lined up.  There was this guy who had been texting me for about three weeks.  I wasn't sure how I felt about him, but he texted me every  morning.  Like clockwork.  As soon as he got up.  Thought I'd give him a shot.  The date actually turned out so much better than I thought.  He turned out to be a super nice guy.  Lots of fun.  Made me laugh.  We talked for hours.  It was a nice surprise.

Even after the date, he continued to text.  Same pattern.  Thought that was interesting.  Asked some of my guy friends their opinions of this.  The consensus was that he either really likes me or he likes to text.  But most likely he really likes me.  That's what I thought.  Then one Friday I asked him if he had plans for the weekend.  "Yeah, I have a date Saturday."  What???  Really?  Did this just happen to me again?

Alright - I know we weren't exclusive.  It was just one date.  But I don't need to know that you are dating someone else.  I need to repeat that: "I DON'T NEED TO KNOW YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE ELSE!!!"   I want to pretend in my nice little dating world that our date meant something more than a nice conversation.  I don't want to be "that girl."  I don't want to be your buddy or pal.  And if I am, please have the cajones to tell me that I am.  Don't text me every single morning and make me think that there is something there. 

I have a sneaking suspicion that dating in my forties is just a torture chamber.  That the point to dating is that I will meet so many bad guys that I eventually give in to what is left.  That I will be so worn down from trying that I will settle for just barely OK because it is so much better than the alternative.  Surely that's not what's in store for me?

So, why keep beating my head against the wall?  Believe it or not, I still believe in the possibility of there being one decent single guy left out there.  One that will take me on a real date.  One that can't wait to call me when he gets home even thought he knows he should wait a day or two because he doesn't want to seem eager.  The one that will check his phone constantly to see if he missed a call/text/e-mail.  The one that won't be calling other girls for dates because he knows he already found the perfect one.  And me - I'll be the girl smiling.  Why?  Because I know I am the exception...

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