Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Defying Gravity

"So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am defying gravity" 
~Elphaba in Wicked
Well, here I am on my last day of my previous life.  I now have less than a day left in Tennessee.  I thought it would be more bittersweet.  Don't get me wrong - I am soooo going to miss my friends.  But I guess it's the excitement of my new life that's calling to me that overshadows the rest.  No, excitement isn't the right word.  It's more of a knowing calm.  The feeling that I am in the exact place that I'm supposed to be at the right moment.  Which is really funny since I really have no idea what I'm going to do yet.
Going off to a new life with no actual direction seems kind of crazy, huh?  In this job market, it might be.  I am confident in my abilities and I know I will get a job.  Getting the right one might take a little more work.  
But there is something else waiting there for me.  I can feel it.  For the first time in 20 years, I was completely comfortable going home.  It just feels so right.  I guess everything has it's own timing.  And this is mine.  It probably wouldn't have worked 5 or 10 years ago.  Driving into town, standing there in the city so different from the country I've called home for so long, I felt good.  Calm.  Peaceful.  Strange that the city could be peaceful.  But there's something else.  It's there and I can almost put my hand on it.  Almost, but not quite.  It's playing hide-and-seek with me.  That's ok.  I'm patient and up to the challenge.  No, I'm not normally patient, but in this I am because I know it is so going to be worth it.  
I've let go of the control I feel I need to have over everything.  I no longer know what tomorrow is going to bring.  Or even where I'll be in 6 months.  I guess I have been so unhappy for so long, anything is going to be better.  I am no longer letting someone else have power over my happiness.  I understand now that I don't need security to be able to make it.  God will provide.  And I am tired of just surviving.  I want more.  Crave it.  I'm done getting up every morning and letting life pass me by.  I have let that happen for way too long and now that I'm awake I realize that all these years have passed me by.  I can't get them back but I won't let it happen again.  Somehow, no matter what, it will be different now.  
So, if you care to find me, you'll have to look to the Northern sky.   I'm closing my eyes and leaping.  And maybe, just maybe, I might be flying...


  1. Hopefully, this will post!(the last one didn't) Ok-here it goes-I really enjoy your blogs-they say a lot of the things that I think inside. I hope you find your way-I know you will! Sometimes just letting go and listening to what God is telling you is what we all need to do. It might be scary and it might be awesome. You never really know unless you try! I have the utmost faith in you. You know where to find me if you need anything!! Lots of Love, Vicki

  2. Thanks Vicki! I have a hard time listening because I talk to much. I know he has some awesome things in store for me though. Can't wait to see you!